It's like a fever
by Tia-Lewise
Summary: It has to get worse before it gets better...when will Marik learn that Malik ensured him a place on Earth and appreciate everything he does?


_The Captain Obvious disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! If I did, I'd be making some money outta this by now._

You never understood, not at first, that it was I who gave you that chance of life. You never saw how I watched you from afar, watching your every move. Even when you turned on me, abused me, forced me to do your bidding, I still watched you. Watched you like a lovesick person gazing at their interest. In truth, I'd always wanted to be your lover. But you hated me back then. Hated me with a burning passion. Hated me so much you would have killed me if you really wanted to. But I was a toy to you, a toy you could use to do anything you wanted. I was too precious to be thrown away, you said. Precious...my heart leapt at the use of that word...until the next thing I knew, I was on the floor with my mouth full of blood.

Do you remember the day you realised what you had done to me? I remember like it was yesterday...your words, your actions...your love. Or was it a bluff? I wasn't sure then.

You came in from a trip to Bakura's flat to find me sat in the living room, watching TV like usual. "Malik!" you barked, and I looked up sharply, forcing a smile on my face, though I was shaking inside."Hello, Marik," I said, but you grabbed me by the arm and forcefully pulled me up. Your grip is hard enough to bruise, and I winced as your fingers closed round my already injured arm.

"Don't take that cheerful tone with me," you growled thunderously, starting to search under the cushions of the sofa, presumably to make sure I'd cleaned properly. "If I find you've done _one _thing wrong, I swear, I'm going to let rip with all the fucking anger inside me!"

You went on as you ran your hand over the shelves, searching for dust, "Bakura had a fight with his hikari today. Big fucking deal! He never should have fallen in love with the little bitch in the first place, should he? And who had to sit there and listen to Bakura whine?" You moved to the table and ran your hand over it for dust again. "Me! That's who! And you think I care about stupid little arguments? Hell _fucking _no! I've had it up to my fucking neck today! And I'm gonna unleash it all on _you,_ if I find you haven't cleaned this room!"

"Everything's been cleaned, dusted, polished, you name it," I replied promptly, hands behind my back and trying to look calm. You rounded on me with a fierce glitter of hatred in your eyes."I never asked you to speak!" You cast your eyes over the wooden panelled floor. Your eyes... so beautiful...but from a single glance, one can feel as though they have been killed from that one burning glare. "Swept and hovered. Good." You moved to the sphinx rug I'd bought the other day and my breath caught in my chest. Oh no...I knew there was something I had missed. You lifted a corner of the rug. I saw your eyebrows rise. Saw your mouth twitch. Saw you reach underneath and pull out a coin.

"One of the oldest tricks in the book..." you whispered, moving towards me. "The master would place a coin under a rug, then check later on to see if the maid had done the sweeping properly. If the coin was found, yet was not returned to her master...she would be guilty of theft...and sacked." Your face was now inches from my own; I had to fight to stop myself visibly trembling.

"If the coin was still there, the maid therefore had not swept properly..." you held up the coin, co close I could see the tiny lettering round the edge...

"...And would be severely punished..."

The only thing I knew was agony...

I woke up some time later, a dull pounding in my head. My body ached every time my heart beat. My lower regions burned with a savage, almost unbearable pain. I could feel sticky scarlet on my skin. My lips were bruised and swollen from forceful, crushing kisses, devoid of affection. I had to screw up my face to stop my tears.

I was fed up with the way I was treated. I was sick of being a mere toy. I was repulsed by the unclean feeling that coated my half-naked body.

This had gone on too long.

Time to go.

I found my jeans and pulled them back on. I picked up a pen and paper from the table, writing a few lines. That done, and limping slightly, I made my way to the kitchen, then the bathroom. I was ready...

Time to leave.

My hands were shaking as I poured myself a glass of water. My hands were shaking as I opened the medicine cabinet, pulled out a bottle of painkillers. My lip trembled as I swallowed a handful of painkillers and washed them down. My tears flowed as I pressed the knife deep into the thin skin of my wrist. Tears of sorrow, not pain. I felt nothing.

Time to go.

I watched the blood spatter the once-pristine floor with a sort of sick interest. My life was being steadily drained...bringing me closer to home. I would finally meet my mother...the woman who lost her life while she delivered life anew.

Time to die.

~*~

I always forget at least one thing when I go out. This time it was my jacket. It was fucking cold out there! After a quick check on the whiny bitch (Bakura) I went back to the flat to grab my jacket then go to the pub. "Malik!" I shouted as I opened the door. "Where the hell are you, you little bitch?"

There was no answer. I prowled the flat, looking for you. You weren't in the living room. No surprises there. I thought you were hiding from me. I checked the bedrooms. Nothing. The kitchen. Nothing.

"Malik!" I yelled at the top of my voice. "Get your ass here, _now!"_

Nothing. Wait. A faint rasping sound came from the bathroom. Trying the handle, I found it to be locked. You had to be in there. "Unlock the door before I smash it down," I hissed, rattling the handle. "Malik, I'm warning you..."

"I'm...scared..." came your faint reply. You didn't sound right. It didn't bother me for the moment.

"Come out!"

After a few seconds, I heard you drag yourself upright, collapse against the door. I could hear your breathing; rasping and weak. Slowly you opened the door, and I was ready to burst in and punish you, but you collapsed on me, almost knocking me over. Out of instinct I grabbed you. I gasped. Your wrists oozed blood; you were covered in shining scarlet. Your eyes were wide with fear.

"What the _hell _have you done to yourself?" I shouted, shaking you. You groaned, limp in my arms. You were drowsy and pale, almost frighteningly pale. I spotted the empty painkiller bottle on the floor, and it clicked. I dragged you to the toilet and forced you down on your knees, forced my fingers down your throat till you vomited the painkillers back up. You threw up till you could throw up no more, then collapsed to the floor, crying and clutching your stomach. I bandaged your wrists with my shirt, which I had torn in two, then cleaned your face up and put you to bed. You gazed at me with shining eyes, cheeks wet with fresh tears. "W-Why?" you croaked.

I just shrugged and sat by you until you fell asleep.

After all, you _are _my hikari.

I should...watch you.

I eventually fell asleep in the chair beside your bed.

When I woke the next morning, I got up and went to the bathroom, cleared up the bloodstains, threw away the empty bottle of painkillers. I went back to check on you. You were still fast asleep, as far as I could tell. I found you were still breathing when I placed a hand to your chest.

Good. You were still alive.

Wait...

Did I just...?

Yes, I did.

But why...?

You don't mean anything to me-

Maybe you do.

Why?

You are my hikari...

But it doesn't mean I should care-

I drove you to this.

This is my fault.

All mine.

Yes.

Mine.

You are mine...

But it was my fault...

What is going on...?

"Malik!" I called out, shaking your shoulders. I had to ask you there and then or so help me. I felt like I would go insane with the desire to know answers. "Malik!"

You groggily opened your eyes and focused on me. You winced, as if I'm going to strike you.

I don't strike.

I stroke. Stroking your hair, I asked, "Why did this happen, hikari?" Your eyes widened in surprise, but you seemed to lean into my touch. Automatically I drew my hand away. Your lips parted, as if to say something, but then you closed your mouth again. My gaze lingered on your lips. They were still slightly swollen, and your mouth was peppered with sickly yellow bruises. Your eyes...one of them was black. Your hair was woven with blood. Your neck was marked with the bruises of my choking hands; a single red-purple mark showed where I bit you hard enough to draw blood.

Disfigured...

My fault-

Yet so beautiful...

What?

Why did I-

"Why did this happen?" I repeated as you slowly sat up, wincing. "What drove you to do this to yourself?"

You stared at me with your blackened eye, your uninjured eye hidden by your hair. A tear trickled down your cheek, and I reached out to wipe it away. Again you leaned into my touch, and that time I didn't pull my hand away. You sighed happily and closed your eyes, nuzzling my hand cupping your cheek.

I didn't understand.

Why were you doing this?

Why was _I _doing this?

"You never found my note, did you?" you murmured, looking up at me. "It's on the table...in the living room."

I got up and went out, coming back a few moments later with a piece of paper. I sat down on the bed and began to read-

_Marik,_

_I'm sorry I can't be what you want me to be. I think that you would be better off without me. Everything I do, I screw up. I can't do anything for you. _

_I am going to kill myself, Marik. I always wanted to tell you something, but I never had the courage. But now I can tell you without worry._

_I love you. And I always will, no matter what you do to me._

_Goodbye. Be happy without me. I know that's what you want._

I raised my head and looked over at you. You sat with your knees drawn to your chest, watching me with fear in your eyes. I put the paper down and shifted a little closer to you. You flinched, but I reached out and cupped your face in both my hands.

What is this I'm feeling?

I'm confused...

But it's almost overwhelming...

I kiss you. It's nothing out of the ordinary. But this isn't the sort of kiss I usually give you, where it's painful and makes your lips bleed, bruises your tender skin. My kiss this time is gentle, and with a soft moan, you responded, tilting your head and pressing yourself against me. Our kiss deepens...and it was the most wonderful feeling; I never wanted it to end…I felt your arms wrap round my shoulders and pull me closer as you broke the kiss and hugged me tight. "I didn't expect that…" you murmured. "Why did you do that?"

"I'm…not sure," I replied, a little dazed by my own actions. "But I don't regret it…"

You smiled up at me, tears in your eyes. "Thank you…" you whispered, kissing my cheek.

"You're welcome," I replied with a small smile, stroking your hair again. "Just don't do anything stupid to yourself again, okay? I'm not going to hurt you anymore."

"But…why?"

"…I think I've realised how much you've done for me. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here. I see that now…I've been a fool, Malik. But my very existence is because of you…I should be protecting you, which is what I'm going to do from now on. Words can only apologise so much for what I've done to you, but actions can take things a long way. I'm going to change, Malik, change for the better."

"Sounds good to me," you said happily as you jumped out of bed. "Thanks, Marik."

"No problem. Where are you going?"

"Taking a shower," you replied, looking at me cheekily. "Joining me?"

"I'm not one to refuse that!" I laughed, following you into the bathroom.

~*~

That's how it went for a while. You vowed to change, and you did. It took some time and sometimes you almost went back to your old ways, but we were always there to support you and make sure you kept your head. And we messed around for a bit, not in a relationship as such, but just exploring each other. And the first time we made love…I knew then that I loved you. But did you love me back? I didn't even need to wonder. "I love you…" you whispered afterwards, pushing my sweat-soaked hair back from my flushed face. "I love you…"

~*~

I figured I truly loved you after we had sex, yeah…I've done it with other people before but it never felt special. When I made love to you, it felt special, and I loved how it made me feel. We're together now, I haven't raised a hand at Malik once, and the only fights we have are when we're hitting each other with pillows or the like. Finally, we've found someone we belong with…it just had to get worse before it got better.


End file.
